Maybe the owner sincerely likes these wines, but given that the emails tend only to pitch a single wine, more often than not I get the impression they're very profitable wines they can sell in quantity. Gotta stay in business. I get it. But this latest email, which I'll break down below, is simply over the top. Names are removed to protect the innocent. The email starts with a perverse flourish, then snowballs from there:
Vintages (and size) both matter.Ed: What is this, a male enhancement commercial?
Ed: Great, hedonistic AND ultra-value. No mention of balance or elegance, however . . . .
[Wine Name Redacted] 2008 Shiraz...$11.99
I've been a fan of [Wine Name Redacted] since the first vintage I tasted, about four years ago. Made by the talented [Winemaker Redacted], this uber-value has achieved a new, unexpected level of succulence and overtly hedonistic flavors in the 2008 vintage.
Tangled up in blue
This olfactory-encompassing Aussie stains the glass, the palate and beyond. Your dental hygienist will berate you at the next cleaning because traces of this purple/black beastie will permanently darken your smile. If you spill it anywhere at home, plan on reupholstering the sofa, tearing out the carpeting and burning any clothing it accidentally soaks into. Handle with care...
Ed: I get it, this wine is so over-extracted it will wreck everything in its path. Sounds like a great selling point!
Ed: Finally, a positive selling point. While this wine will ruin your teeth, clothing, carpet, sofa, human relationships, and potentially give you a massive hard-on, it won't rob you at gunpoint.
It's well worth the dangerSouth Australia keeps producing and sending us these powerhouse Shiraz (Shirazes?), and we gladly savor them, especially in this thrifty price range.
[review snipped . . . .]
This Aussie will give you a purple grin without looting your bank account!
And you wonder why I'm cynical about cheap Aussie Shiraz?