Australian Shiraz Has a Message for You . . . .

F. U. No joke, there is actually an Australian Shiraz produced by Chris Ringland's R Wines named F.U. Apparently it sold so well at its original $300 price that it had to be liquidated for $124.50. Big surprise as a Jay Miller 99 rating and 16%+ ABV aren't quite the selling points they once were. Apparently there were enough suckers, though, as this sold out (no idea what the quantity was) at the still outrageous liquidation price.

One has to wonder what kind of person would want to serve a wine that delivers such a crass message. It's one thing to eschew the stuffiness and snobbery associated with fine wine. But it's entirely another to tell your customers to eff off with the name of the wine. Surely this is a joke on the part of the winemaker to see if an insulting name and an insulting price would still attract buyers, right? Because the joke is certainly on whoever buys this.

After reading Jay Miller's tasting note, does this wine seem attractive at any price?

The 2004 F.U. Shiraz (200 cases [12 bottles per case]) is similarly brooding and liqueur-like. It spent 30 months in new French oak hogsheads and offers a compelling bouquet of toasty oak, pencil lead, mineral, blueberry, and blackberry. Lighter on its feet than The Wine with a more forward personality, it has layers of flavor, savory fruit, and enough silky tannin to evolve for a decade. Drink it from 2014 to 2034. 99 points

This note is a masterpiece in the annals of ridiculous critiques. Miller smells minerals, apparently, though there's no mention as to which minerals those could be. Then there's the clear impression this wine is over-oaked and over-ripe based on the toasty oak and liqueur descriptors. Good luck finding any minerality amongst the jammy fruit and oak vanillin. Also note the reference to The Wine, a different cuvée from R Wines. Those are some cojones to name a cuvée simply The Wine. But what else would one expect from a winemaker who names a $300 wine F. U.?

I wonder what Sadat X's F'ed Up Factor (FUF) would be for F. U.? I'd bet on it being off the charts. I think I'd rather have the Suxx Shiraz. Yes, this exists! Thank God for truth in labeling.

How (not) to sell a budget Shiraz (?)

I'm on the mailing list of one local wine shop whose marketing emails generally seem to border on self parody. They're always pitching a Shiraz or Chardonnay because of its intensity and richness using terms straight out of the Parker lexicon, and the price is always around $15.

Maybe the owner sincerely likes these wines, but given that the emails tend only to pitch a single wine, more often than not I get the impression they're very profitable wines they can sell in quantity. Gotta stay in business. I get it. But this latest email, which I'll break down below, is simply over the top. Names are removed to protect the innocent. The email starts with a perverse flourish, then snowballs from there:

Vintages (and size) both matter.

Ed: What is this, a male enhancement commercial?

[Wine Name Redacted] 2008 Shiraz...$11.99

I've been a fan of [Wine Name Redacted] since the first vintage I tasted, about four years ago. Made by the talented [Winemaker Redacted], this uber-value has achieved a new, unexpected level of succulence and overtly hedonistic flavors in the 2008 vintage.

Ed: Great, hedonistic AND ultra-value. No mention of balance or elegance, however . . . .

Tangled up in blue

This olfactory-encompassing Aussie stains the glass, the palate and beyond. Your dental hygienist will berate you at the next cleaning because traces of this purple/black beastie will permanently darken your smile. If you spill it anywhere at home, plan on reupholstering the sofa, tearing out the carpeting and burning any clothing it accidentally soaks into. Handle with care...

Ed: I get it, this wine is so over-extracted it will wreck everything in its path. Sounds like a great selling point!

It's well worth the danger

South Australia keeps producing and sending us these powerhouse Shiraz (Shirazes?), and we gladly savor them, especially in this thrifty price range.

[review snipped . . . .]

This Aussie will give you a purple grin without looting your bank account!

Ed: Finally, a positive selling point. While this wine will ruin your teeth, clothing, carpet, sofa, human relationships, and potentially give you a massive hard-on, it won't rob you at gunpoint.

And you wonder why I'm cynical about cheap Aussie Shiraz?